Father’s Role in Delivery Suite

Sources

1. Guide to Childbirth by Wong Boh Boi
2. The New Contented Little Baby Book by Gina Ford
3. Your Baby’s First Year by American Academy of Pediatrics
4. What Every Dad Should Know About Labor by Wayne Parker, About.com Guide
5. A Guide to Labour & Supporting Her For Dads-To-Be by By Kelly Winder, BellyBelly Creator, Mum & Birth Attendant
6. Dad to Dad: 12 Things You Need to Know Before the Baby Comes by Matt Villano,iVillage.com

Father’s Role in Delivery Suite

Witnessing the woman he loves in the middle of intense and painful contractions may be a very new experience for him and no one likes to stand by helplessly. It is a natural response to want to take the pain away, to make it better for those we love and cherish. Sometimes a partner will feel afraid or guilty that he cannot share the pain. You must address these feelings before labor, so that they do not inhibit your coping abilities or distract your energy.

The partner plays a definite role in assisting the birthing woman and enables her to cope more effectively. A husband's job is to comfort and encourage, not to make the pain go away. Just Be There - This is one of those events for which showing up is the most important thing of all. Even if you want to – or have to – leave most of the hands-on stuff to the pros, your presence matters. And no matter how you really feel, project a sense of confidence and calm reassurance: "You're doing great! Everything's going fine." There'll be time for you to unravel later.

1. First Stage, Early Labor (Contractions are 10 minutes apart, last 30-45 seconds each): You can expect it to take several hours (typically lasts up to 14 hours or longer) to work through this process to active labor. It is important for mom to stay hydrated and to try to preserve her strength for what is yet to some. So, as her coach and supporter, you need to remind her to drink water and rest. What you can do:

• Time the contractions, keeping a record - time the contractions from the beginning of one contraction to the beginning of the next
• Tell her that she’s doing really well
• Keep her company like walking with her, watching TV
• Help her to relax
• Offer a massage
• Help her to find comfortable positions
• Pack yourself something to eat and some snacks for the hospital
• Speaking of nurses -- it’s worth sucking up to them: Drop some cookies or snacks at the nurses’ station when you check in and then bask in the extra added attention (and maybe even an occasional foot rub for your wife) the gesture buys you.

2. First Stage, Active Labor (Contractions are 3-5 minutes apart, last 40-60 seconds each) (Dilates 4-7cm): The labor nurse at the hospital will manually check her cervix periodically (in between contractions) and give you the numbers. Your partner will now notice strong contractions and increased backache. You may notice your partner displays increased concentration and seriousness. She may start to feel uncertain she can do it and feel apprehensive. She may particularly want your company/support during this time. It is also during active labor when you'll be most helpful in seeing to her needs. Generally, the hospital will give her some crushed ice to eat. It will keep her hydrated without filling her bladder too full, which makes for a pretty uncomfortable delivery. You can also rub her back and rub her legs. One of the things many laboring moms like is a couple of tennis balls put in a sock and then used to massage her lower back. Just keep being supportive and helpful, and remind her how much you love her. If your partner is having trouble coping or she's not interested in a drug-free labor, this is when she might opt for an epidural or other pain relief. What you can do:

• Eliminate distractions in the environment (pillows, lighting & music)
• Keep her lips and mouth moist
• Offer a massage
• Keep telling her how well she is doing

3. Remember S-U-P-P-O-R-T:

• S-Supportive environment
• U-Urinate at least once an hour
• P-Position changes often
• P-Praise and Encouragement
• O-Out of bed (walk/shower)
• R-Relaxation; T-Touch and Massage)

4. Transition (Contractions are 2-3 minutes apart, last 90 seconds each) (Dilates 8-10cm): Do not push the baby out prematurely: This phase brings powerful and intense contractions, which opens up the cervix leading to the pushing contractions that will birth the baby. But you must caution your partner to not push the baby prematurely as per instruction. Things go into hyper drive—the contractions are right on top of each other, and mom will get no time to rest in between. During this transition phase, you can count on her just feeling miserable. This is when reality hits for her. She may be really in a bad mood because of the intensity of the experience. Don't take anything she says personally during transition. But the end result of transition is the target goal—10 cm and 100% effaced. And it generally lasts from 15 minutes to an hour—but it may seem a lot longer. Your encouragement and strength is particularly important, as your partner gets through these very intense contractions. It can also be a difficult stage for you, seeing her in pain and not being able to help take the pain away. Emotionally, your partner may be irritable and may want to give up or go home. She may feel that she just wants it all to be over with – so help her focus as much as you can. Your partner may experience very intense contractions (unless she’s having pain relief), nausea or vomiting, snoozing between contractions, hot flashes, chills and legs shaking, heavy show, severe low backache, possibly premature urge to push, pressure in the rectum as baby descends. What you can do:

• Give her lots of encouragement – encourage her to concentrate on the power of the contractions rather than pain and encourage her to use visualization.
• Tell her how great she is doing and that baby will arrive very soon.
• Tell her that you love her.
• Remind her that this is the shortest stage of labour
• Remind her to take one contraction at a time
• Squeeze her hand or give her something to squeeze
• Breathe with her
• Apply counter pressure
• Hold her or give her a big hug
• Fan her if she is hot
• Put a cool face washer on her forehead or neck if she is hot or nauseous
• Get extra blankets and massage her legs if she has chills
• Keep her lips and mouth moist
• Help her to relax between contractions

5. Second Stage, Pushing & Birth (Contractions are 3-5 minutes apart, last 60-90 seconds each): Stage two starts from the time the cervix reaches full dilation (10cms) to the birth of your baby. Some women may be lucky enough to have a brief resting phase between the ‘transition’ and ‘pushing’ phases, while the uterus tightens around baby’s body, after the head has passed through the cervix. Her contractions may feel weak to non-existent compared to transition. Contractions in stage two are usually further apart than transition. She may feel the urge to push as the contraction builds. Most women find pushing to be much less painful than the contractions experienced in transition. Mom gets finally to have some influence over what is happening. Unlike what you see on TV or in the movies, pushing is not just a couple of grunts and a baby pops out. This stage can take 15 minutes to 3 hours or more. She may have a possible quiet spell of up to 20 minutes as her body rests in preparation for pushing. She may also experience an almost uncontrollable urge to push; Tremendous back and rectal pressure (may feel that she needs to go to the toilet); ‘Second wind’ of strength to make pushing effort; Pins and needles / burning / stretching sensation as baby crowns; Exhaustion between contractions; Relief that she can actively bring about the birth of her baby; Ecstatic sensation as the baby is born. The important message is for her to push down and out. Give her lots of encouragement and praise for how she is doing. All will end with a moment that's made up in equal parts of relief and breathtaking beauty: the birth of your baby. There's a lot to think about during this phase: Do you want to record the birth on video? Will you want to cut the cord? (Be sure to remind your doctor or midwife if you do.) Does your partner want to try to breastfeed immediately after birth? If the doctor or midwife or labor and delivery nurse doesn't make sure that happens, you'll need to be ready to advocate for her. What you can do:

• Help her to find the most comfortable and productive position – squatting is a great position for delivery as it helps relax the perineum (less susceptible to tear compared to lying down)
• Whisper words of quiet encouragement ’You’re doing a great job! I know you can do this’
• Encourage her to rest between contractions
• If she holds her breath while pushing, remind her to breathe every 6-10 seconds
• Remind her to relax her perineum
• Remind her to keep her eyes open for the birth.

6. Third Stage, Delivery of the Placenta: It's not over yet! This stage, which begins immediately after the birth of your baby and ends with the delivery of the placenta anywhere from 5-30 minutes later, is usually anticlimactic but necessary. Be aware, too, that your partner may get a case of the chills during this phase or feel very shaky. If that's the case, be ready to offer a warm blanket and to hold your newborn while she's regaining her strength. Give baby to mum to hold or hold baby where mum can see him/her.

7. Your baby might not look exactly like you pictured him: You know those perfect pink newborns they show on TV and in the movies? They're actually three months old. In real life, brand new babies are generally some shade of hot pink, covered in yellow, sticky goo and sometimes even full-body hair. Their faces are sometimes scrunched up, sometimes they have a cone head – misshapen from squeezing through the birth canal, and their genitals may be alarmingly red and swollen. This will all go away quickly, but don’t be surprised if your very first thought is, “Who is this baby ape and what have you people done with my baby?”

8. Member Suggestions:

• “He was chatting away to the midwife about all sorts of nonsense as well, I wasn’t too aware of what they were on about, but the sound of his voice was comfort enough!” JOJA
• “I couldn’t have done it without him. He got me drinks (then held the sick bag for me when I vomited them back up), gave me massages, dragged me in and out of the shower, encouraged me all the time, made sure that I was always kept informed (even after the drugs kicked in) and charmed all the midwives. During the time that I was in the ante-natal ward he arrived in the morning before I woke up so I opened my eyes and there he was. He bought me food so I didn’t have to eat hospital meals and looked after my cat even though he hates him.” — Dachlostar
• “My partner just sat by my bed and didn’t say a word, which is all I wanted. Just a nice quiet room with some relaxation music playing. While in the shower he kept encouraging me and telling me I was doing great etc.” Tegan
• “This is no joke, but Andrew stopped for cigarettes on the way to the hospital. I couldn’t believe it!!! But once we were there, he was great – just really encouraging. Didn’t talk to me much (I didn’t want to talk, I just wanted to labour without a running commentary!).
• “My husband was so wonderful and supportive, he stayed by my side the whole time. Including the first few days at home while I was labouring. Then in hospital, he let me squeeze the crap out of his hand, he gave me drinks, he organised the room with essential oils and calm music playing. He helped me voice my opinions to the midwife, like when I wanted an epidural and when I wanted to see the ob NOW!

Dad to Dad: 12 Things You Need to Know Before the Baby Comes

About to be a Dad? Read this.

 No matter how many times you read What to Expect When You’re Expecting, no one can tell you how it really is for us guys when baby arrives except for a dad who’s been there. Between swaddling, diaper duty and her breastfeeding, fatherhood feels like a whole new world with all things beer, sleep and sex-related put on hold. Want to be better prepared? Check out these 12 must-know, guy-to-guy tips from a Daddy who’s been there, done that.

1. Maxing Out the Sex Before the Moratorium: During the last few months of pregnancy, your hot wife’s belly will grow larger by the day which may be a bit of a libido kill. But remember this: most doctors prescribe (at least) a six-week post-birth moratorium on sex, so think twice before rolling over and going to bed! Can’t get in the mood? Focus on those enormous breasts – they won’t stay that big forever! Oh, and rest assured, no matter how well-endowed you are, you won’t hurt the baby.
2. Looking ‘Down There’ in the Delivery Room: Let’s be frank, gentlemen: Creating life is amazing, but the bulk of the actual birthing process is bloody, gooey and, quite often, a holy mess. Bossy delivery-room nurses will encourage you to ‘touch the head’ or gawk at your child while he/she enters the world. If you don’t think you can handle it, just say no. It’s better not to look than it is to have your wife catch you with a grimace on your face.
3. Embrace the ‘Push Gift’: Men have it easy in the delivery room: We just stand there and cheer. So, to not seem like a total freeloader, reward your spouse for all her efforts. Flowers don’t cut it, because she likely will get those from someone else. Instead, think jewelry (lockets always are good), or a gift certificate to a boutique where she can buy post-baby lingerie. (Okay, so maybe there’s a little in it for you, too.)
4. Get Her to a Lactation Consultant: When baby comes, you learn pretty quickly that breastfeeding isn’t easy. If baby won’t ‘latch’ correctly or mama’s ducts get clogged, the whole shebang can hurt like hell. Nursing is primal, so it also can make our already over-emotional wives even nuttier. Don’t try to understand breastfeeding stress; just be unconditionally supportive. And if she’s having trouble, it’s your job to get her to a lactation consultant, pronto.
5. Become a Swaddle Master:  Yes, a tight swaddle seems a lot like a baby straightjacket. But it’s amazing how dramatically stellar swaddler can maximize your little one’s sleep schedule (and, there, your own). It pays to invest in a special swaddle blanket with Velcro to guarantee a burrito-style wrap every time. Remember: Practice makes perfect.
6. Parenting Makes You Hotter: Single and sometimes not-so-single women love dudes who embrace responsibility. Just as these ladies are drawn to men with wedding rings and puppies, they also flock to men pushing carriages and other adorable baby gear. So, as a new dad, you will be infinitely more attractive to women, and there’s no harm in a sleep-deprived new daddy enjoying this extra attention.
7. Look Out for Post-baby Blues: Unless she’s a robot, your spouse will likely experience unexpected (and inexplicable) emotional highs and lows after giving birth. In some cases, these lows will seem insignificant and fleeting; in the most serious cases, they can border on suicidal and last for weeks. Whatever the situation, post-partum depression is serious business – and probably something you won’t be able to help on your own. If you think your spouse is suffering from it, get her talking to her doctor, asap.
8. Dominate Diaper Duty: No matter how handy you are around the house, changing a squirming and wailing baby can be more challenging than completing a Rubik’s Cube. Know this: The diaper goes on with the elastic band in the back – never the reverse. As for those pesky onesies, stretch the neck hole before pulling it over the baby’s head (relax, you won’t suffocate the kid). Remember, it’s not you, it’s them: Few babies enjoy these experiences under any circumstances.
9. Get Comfortable with Non-Stop Poop Talk: Let’s face it: we men talk about poop with our buddies, but no amount of frat-house practice can prepare you for the poop-talk that comes with a mini human in the house. Not only will you have to clean the stuff (off clothes, but also off the carpet, crib sheets and the couch), but you’ll also be asked to weigh in on color, smell, consistency and texture. Be a true man; ditch any squeamishness at the door.
10. Prepare for an Insane Amount of Baby Gear: Welcome to the peak-clutter period of your life with car seats, cribs, vibrating chairs and piles of clothes, new parents can make the people on Hoarders seem like Buddhist monks. Assume you’ll need an additional closet (or a corner of the garage) for the ridiculous amount of baby gear you’ll accumulate. Go through existing piles and give stuff to Goodwill; store the stuff that remains in clear plastic bins for easy access.
11. Own the Stroller Purchase: As tempting as it might be to outsource the stroller purchase (to, say, the in-laws), it’s important to conduct your own due diligence, since you’ll probably be the one collapsing and shoving the thing into the van. Visit the nearest Babies ‘R’ Us to see strollers up close and compare features online. The bottom line: You want a stroller that you can manipulate with one hand and use the other for holding coffee, the diaper bag or your kid.
12. Go to a Bar, Seriously: Starlets can bring their tiny Chihuahua into bars, so why can’t you bring your baby? Nightlife has become more infant-friendly in recent years thanks to the smoking bans instituted in every major city. Plus, taking the kid along also saves you cash on a sitter. Most babies will sleep peacefully while you and your wife hang – and the two of you will feel more connected to your pre-baby life, which is always a good perspective to keep!